by Jane Diane Matthews on April 6, 2010
Denim is a timeless fabric that has mostly served us well. Jeans are a common wardrobe staple and are worn by industrial workers and world leaders alike.
There are thousands of ways to wear a pair of jeans, but not all of them are good. From President Obama’s mom jeans to Walmart shoppers (below), there are many unfashionable choices that need to be avoided.
Unfortunately, as our model clearly demonstrates, everyone needs a reminder of how to wear denim, regardless of their body shape. Here’s a simple guide of denim don’ts:
- Don’t wear denim from head to toe. If you feel compelled to do otherwise, please make sure the colors are different (IE, white denim jacket with blue jeans) and that you have warned your escort for the evening to do the same. Case in point, Justin and Britney Hillybilly wedding ensemble:
- Don’t wear acid wash. As a survivor of bad 80’s fashion choices, my skin crawls when I see that this fashion abomination is back in force. Unlike a fine wine, this trend has gotten worse over time and I truly hope that this is the last we see of this tacky finish:
- Don’t wear droopy drawers. We all know about the dreaded muffin top and avoiding the look at all costs is a smart move. It is especially prudent to wear jeans with a rise high enough to cover your ass crack as well as tramp stamp:
- Don’t leave your house without really checking how those jeans look on you. Baggy jeans can make you look like you are wearing yesterday’s diaper while denim that is too tight may reveal a camel toe, ‘nough said?
- Don’t wear faux denim. Nearly every catalogue and designer has a denim legging in their Spring offerings. Since leggings are not forgiving and the legging trend seems to be duplicating the acid wash affect, just don’t.
This common sense style advice should help you avoid becoming the butt of ridicule in your jeans. For some denim do’s especially catering to pear shaped figures there are plenty of options available from NY & Company, Lucky Brand or from your favorite retailer.
by Jane Diane Matthews on March 2, 2010
NBC just conducted an undercover investigation that proved that many retailers are selling USED underwear as new. GROSS! Reporters posing as customers returned bunches of secretly marked underwear and swimsuits. Upon the return the garments had the tags completely ripped off, the sanitary lining was removed and some were even stained with baby oil.
That did not discourage employees of the New Jersey mall locations of Bloomingdale’s, Victoria’s Secret, and The Gap from taking back the returns, retagging and immediately putting the merchandise back onto the sales floor. This behavior was caught on hidden camera and the crew also double checked the racks to find the markings on the returns to verify that it was indeed the control group in question.
According to an NBC microbiologist fabric can provide a safe haven for icky germs and diseases for weeks. He claims, “Fecal material would be the most concerning substances. You could have bacteria viruses, fungi. These are things that one person would be able to transfer to another inadvertently through the garment.”
Unfortunately, it is not illegal for retailers to sell used undergarments thus making Mike Brady’s words of “caveat emptor” take on poignant meaning. Pear shaped gals, if you to are horrified about this disgusting trend there are some steps you can take to ensure that when the time comes, you are only putting the cleanest of panties next to your privates:
- Buy only pre packaged underwear in containers that cannot be opened and then resealed. From past experience I know, Jockey, Gilligan & O’Malley and Fruit of the Loom have options in manufacturer sealed plastic bags.
- If opting to choose a free hanging intimate, make sure that the manufacturers sanitary strip is intact and looks relatively clean
- Closely examine the panties in question for any visible stains.
- If you are brave enough, give it a smell test
- Immediately wash all new undergarments so they will be 100% fresh by the time you want to wear them
When confronted with this assault on sanitary, the stores involved said, their “customers’ safety and satisfaction are top concerns” and “their employees made a mistake is re-selling used merchandise.” If I were you, I would not take their word for it.
by Jane Diane Matthews on February 23, 2010
Did you know that the silly photos of the poorly dressed get the most attention on my blog? Well I do, and found another that had to be shared with the world:
The outfit this woman selected clearly shows what happens when a pear figure, eats an apple shaped gal. The result is not pretty and those short shorts should be burned immediately.
Seriously, there are so many other fashion choices for curvy girls, but daisy dukes ain’t one of them. Better choices for this large lass can be found coast to coast and Old Navy is truly one of the best places for plus size gals to stock up on affordable shorts. One simple option include these “Women’s Plus Rib-Knit Waist Roll-Up Bermudas” for only $26.50:
The size options range from 16-30 which would certainly accommodate a good portion of the model’s jiggly bits. The ribbed waistband should adjust to prevent muffin anything and the grey steel (skip the khaki) is a great neutral color, perfect for mixing and matching.
The old adage “if the shoe fits” does not apply when draping a pear shaped body. Just because something fits, does not mean it looks good. With a little effort even the largest of pear shaped gals can find great clothing options for any occasion!
by Jane Diane Matthews on February 18, 2010
Those who love the skin the are in should be admired for the confidence they exhibit, but not necessarily for the fashion choices they make. From the sacred halls of Wal-Mart to celebrities the concept of “less is more” is being abused:
Seriously, did we need to see all that? I think not. However, this is not the only example of how to show too much of a good thing. Known exhibitionist Pamela Anderson recently bared too much at a recent Fashion Week event:
Showing skin is a simple way to draw attention to yourself, but it is important to note that it may not be the kind of attention that the average Jane is seeking. If you are a pear shaped gal looking for ways to expose your largest organ to the light of day, there are ways to do so wisely:
- Focus: Do you have a great belly, sexy legs and a luscious cleavage? That is fantastic, but the rest of the world does not need to see this all at once. To avoid looking like a 2-bit, corner hooker, feel free to wear clothing that exposes one choice body part at a time.
- 360 View: Chances are you don’t have eyes in the back of your head, and that is why hand held mirrors were invented. If you are wearing a peekaboo outfit of any type, use the device (paired with a wall mirror) to check out all your nooks and crannies so the public will not have to.
- Right to Bare Arms: When temperatures rise, the first body part to be exposed are your arms. Even if your arms are not super-sculpted, doing some simple arm exercises will up your confidence. Prepping your skin with a mild exfoliant, moisturizer and sun block are essential steps. Finally keeping your pits well groomed and stench free is mandatory!
- Protection: Most the time, your skin is shrouded in layers of fabric. When it comes to exposing any part of it, you MUST PUT ON SUN BLOCK! Skin cancer is a common occurrence, I know because I’ve had it and have the 3″ scar complete with an indent to prove it.
My skin has always been my best feature and I generally play it up to distract attention from my pear shape. For years I’ve been following the rules I’m suggesting that y’all follow. So far, I have not ended up as a “fashion don’t” so I know I’m doing something right!
by Jane Diane Matthews on February 16, 2010
I’ve been called resourceful more then once in my life and I attribute my success to being a committed discount shopper. This skill has come in especially handy since I officially became self employed around two years ago. Now I am constantly in the position of balancing the purchasing desires of my husband and myself, with the unpredictable pattern of the arrival of my paychecks.
In that spirit, I’ve recently joined Groupon, which is a city by city guide that offers legitimate savings on local activities. After signing up, daily you can receive discount offers for local restaurants, entertainment and activity. The savings we are entitled to, comes from the power of collective buying. For those unsure of what that means, it would be comparable to the discount these men got when buying the spandex for their leotards in bulk:
Current offers in Los Angeles have included discounts for rock climbing, hot air balloon rides, dining and even bus fare to Vegas! Although I have yet to make any purchase myself, I know when the right offer appears (I.E. discount massage, bagels, facials, go-karting, etc.) I will certainly partake. Until that time, I will just have to watch and wait for the Groupon offers to come on through.
At this point over 1,900,000 Groupon Coupons have been purchased and the savings power resulted in nearly $88,000,000, zowie! Savings offers are available to residents in Portland, New York, Las Vegas and dozens of other locations across the nation.
by Jane Diane Matthews on February 9, 2010
What goes up must come down, and due to the lack of support, hers are now hanging closer to her navel:
Any pear shaped body type worth her weight in fruit knows that making the most of your figure is essential and great support garments are the way to go. There are only two types of bras I wear and they do the trick quite nicely. One is the Warners Tuxedo Bra (either under wire or wireless). Kohl’s carriers this bra and until the end of the day you can apply codes FEB20EST (Save 20% on orders over $100) or FEB15EST (Save 15% on your entire order) to save money on this wardrobe essential.
Or this strapless beauty from Victoria’s Secret that can currently bought using discount code SPRING10 ($15 OFF $100, $30 OFF $150 or $75 OFF $250).:
I’ve found that I need both options in my lingerie drawer as you never truly know what the day will hold. Why wait another moment and risk the girls drooping and scraping the sidewalk. Hike them up and wear them proud sister!
by Jane Diane Matthews on February 9, 2010
Asscapades: There are two definitions
1. Any bad fashion choice where the clothing worn by the wearer is not only inappropriate but shows too much skin in the wrong places. Sample Below Features Male Asscapades:
2. Any fashion or hygiene fail that draws attention to the buttocks. Sample Below Features Hygiene Fail:
Have you noticed my dedication to what I call “asscapades?” I wanted to take a quick minute to define the meaning of this word to avoid any ill feelings. Admittedly, I proliferate my blog with tons of overweight people wearing poor fashion choices. If someone is dressed inappropriately, then they become fair game for critcism. It is not a personal attack and I do my best to hide the true identity of the victim (unless they are a public personality).
Nobody is perfect and everyone has body flaws and when someone chooses clothing that leads to them being deemed a fashion catastrophe. The rule specifically applies to peek-a boo skin that is not properly covered such as butts, stomaches, boobs or even hairy backs. When those moments are capture on film, they eventually become “asscapades.”
by Jane Diane Matthews on February 4, 2010
Regardless of your body type, due to Puxatony Phil’s latest update (4 more weeks of winter) chances are the last item you are thinking about buying is a pair of shorts. Actually I know many women who refuse to wear any type of short at all as they truly believe that this how they will look:
Truly, I want to give this woman a round of applause for the confidence she shows in selecting this ensemble. However, first have to use my hands to cover my eyes and avert the visual pain she has afflicted upon me. Please don’t take this as me saying that she does not have the right to be comfortable, but as with any task, there appropriate ways to keep cool when the heat is on.
Capri pants and bermuda shorts are the perfect way for pear shaped women to dress for the weather. Because of the size range and selection, I always find that Old Navy is the best place to find lightweight bottoms that provide an affordable way to beat the heat and by bookmarking their shorts and capri page now and checking periodically will ensure that you are well aware of when the seasonal stock comes in. That is what I am going to do, and when I find something that will adorn our Pear Shapely bottoms lovingly, I’ll let you know.
by Jane Diane Matthews on February 3, 2010
I love my friend Claire. Not only is she one of the smartest people I know (check out her blog Clairefy.com), she has an awesome and irreverent sense of humor. It is her love for laughter that is part of the foundation for our friendship (that is only the tip of the iceberg).
That is why I was so grateful when she sent me a great image for my “Asscapades” series. The nudity, granny panties and mullet all contribute to the beauty of this “Photobomb.” Not only did this woman felt the need not only to raise her shirt but she needed to hoist and support her densely, packed breasts:
Behold the fear in the young man’s eyes as he caught a clear view of this public display of barfery. Put this side by side with the 1893 masterpiece, “The Scream” by artist Edvard Munch and we truly have a separated at birth moment:
I can feel the pain expressed in both images, truly I can. Trust me, when I say I am no prude, but have you ever noticed that when it comes to public nudity, it is always the people you least want to see let it all hang out, are the first to do so? With that thought in mind, Pear Shapely gals, please ponder this thought before exposing any body part to public scrutiny. As a matter of fact, anyone who is reading this regardless of your shape would be wise to keep it under wraps as who knows what kind of damage you would ultimately cause and what images of your indiscretion would end up on the web.
by Jane Diane Matthews on January 28, 2010
Even the most confident of pear shaped gals can be intimidated by the task of shopping for flattering dainties for their body type. But trust me when I say this, at the end of the day, if you are lucky enough to have a lover this Valentine’s Day, they will be thrilled to see you scantily clad and won’t have any complaints about your body. Seriously, when it comes down to it, men are kind of simple as naked woman=fun times for him, so why would he dare rock the boat and risk losing that?
Too many times I’ve heard my friends talk about their body insecurities. Their thoughts of being bottom heavy, too fat, too thin or not busty enough have inhibited their personalities and their true beauty. Confidence is the number one trait for playtime happiness and this gaggle of gals know it:
If you are finally ready to get with the program, the lingerie at Victoria’s Secrets is a great place to aid in that task. Plus, until February 16, you can get a little more bang for your buck as the coupon code “SPRING10″ will provide you with discounts ($15 OFF $100, $30 OFF $150 or $75 OFF $250).
When it comes to slipping on my bedroom persona, I always opt for something along the vixen and the items from the Bombshell Collection will certainly do the job of tickling my husband’s fancy (I’ll tickle the rest later, thank you very much). For my pear shaped body, I always want to find a look that will highlight my upper torso and covers a bit of my bottom. This Pleated Babydoll ($35) will serve my methodology quite well:
The adjustable straps will allow me to harness in “Betsy and Rosey” so the girls look their best. By pairing with the matching panties (included) the sheer georgette fabric will show the faintest hint of my tummy while the the length of the nightie will gently flow over my shapely rump.
Of course, as a dedicated discount shopper, I will do my duty to spend to save and this discount code will allow me to stock up on the best strapless bra I have ever worn. Victoria’s Secrets “Very Sexy Plunge Bra” is pricey at around $50, but trust me when I say this bra will allow you to lock and load for hours on end. By tapping into this discount not only can I assure another year of marital bliss for myself, but replenish the much needed staples for my well rounded, Pear Shapely wardrobe.
