by Jane Diane Matthews on February 23, 2010
Did you know that the silly photos of the poorly dressed get the most attention on my blog? Well I do, and found another that had to be shared with the world:
The outfit this woman selected clearly shows what happens when a pear figure, eats an apple shaped gal. The result is not pretty and those short shorts should be burned immediately.
Seriously, there are so many other fashion choices for curvy girls, but daisy dukes ain’t one of them. Better choices for this large lass can be found coast to coast and Old Navy is truly one of the best places for plus size gals to stock up on affordable shorts. One simple option include these “Women’s Plus Rib-Knit Waist Roll-Up Bermudas” for only $26.50:
The size options range from 16-30 which would certainly accommodate a good portion of the model’s jiggly bits. The ribbed waistband should adjust to prevent muffin anything and the grey steel (skip the khaki) is a great neutral color, perfect for mixing and matching.
The old adage “if the shoe fits” does not apply when draping a pear shaped body. Just because something fits, does not mean it looks good. With a little effort even the largest of pear shaped gals can find great clothing options for any occasion!
by Jane Diane Matthews on February 18, 2010
Those who love the skin the are in should be admired for the confidence they exhibit, but not necessarily for the fashion choices they make. From the sacred halls of Wal-Mart to celebrities the concept of “less is more” is being abused:
Seriously, did we need to see all that? I think not. However, this is not the only example of how to show too much of a good thing. Known exhibitionist Pamela Anderson recently bared too much at a recent Fashion Week event:
Showing skin is a simple way to draw attention to yourself, but it is important to note that it may not be the kind of attention that the average Jane is seeking. If you are a pear shaped gal looking for ways to expose your largest organ to the light of day, there are ways to do so wisely:
- Focus: Do you have a great belly, sexy legs and a luscious cleavage? That is fantastic, but the rest of the world does not need to see this all at once. To avoid looking like a 2-bit, corner hooker, feel free to wear clothing that exposes one choice body part at a time.
- 360 View: Chances are you don’t have eyes in the back of your head, and that is why hand held mirrors were invented. If you are wearing a peekaboo outfit of any type, use the device (paired with a wall mirror) to check out all your nooks and crannies so the public will not have to.
- Right to Bare Arms: When temperatures rise, the first body part to be exposed are your arms. Even if your arms are not super-sculpted, doing some simple arm exercises will up your confidence. Prepping your skin with a mild exfoliant, moisturizer and sun block are essential steps. Finally keeping your pits well groomed and stench free is mandatory!
- Protection: Most the time, your skin is shrouded in layers of fabric. When it comes to exposing any part of it, you MUST PUT ON SUN BLOCK! Skin cancer is a common occurrence, I know because I’ve had it and have the 3″ scar complete with an indent to prove it.
My skin has always been my best feature and I generally play it up to distract attention from my pear shape. For years I’ve been following the rules I’m suggesting that y’all follow. So far, I have not ended up as a “fashion don’t” so I know I’m doing something right!
by Jane Diane Matthews on February 16, 2010
I’ve been called resourceful more then once in my life and I attribute my success to being a committed discount shopper. This skill has come in especially handy since I officially became self employed around two years ago. Now I am constantly in the position of balancing the purchasing desires of my husband and myself, with the unpredictable pattern of the arrival of my paychecks.
In that spirit, I’ve recently joined Groupon, which is a city by city guide that offers legitimate savings on local activities. After signing up, daily you can receive discount offers for local restaurants, entertainment and activity. The savings we are entitled to, comes from the power of collective buying. For those unsure of what that means, it would be comparable to the discount these men got when buying the spandex for their leotards in bulk:
Current offers in Los Angeles have included discounts for rock climbing, hot air balloon rides, dining and even bus fare to Vegas! Although I have yet to make any purchase myself, I know when the right offer appears (I.E. discount massage, bagels, facials, go-karting, etc.) I will certainly partake. Until that time, I will just have to watch and wait for the Groupon offers to come on through.
At this point over 1,900,000 Groupon Coupons have been purchased and the savings power resulted in nearly $88,000,000, zowie! Savings offers are available to residents in Portland, New York, Las Vegas and dozens of other locations across the nation.
by Jane Diane Matthews on February 9, 2010
Asscapades: There are two definitions
1. Any bad fashion choice where the clothing worn by the wearer is not only inappropriate but shows too much skin in the wrong places. Sample Below Features Male Asscapades:
2. Any fashion or hygiene fail that draws attention to the buttocks. Sample Below Features Hygiene Fail:
Have you noticed my dedication to what I call “asscapades?” I wanted to take a quick minute to define the meaning of this word to avoid any ill feelings. Admittedly, I proliferate my blog with tons of overweight people wearing poor fashion choices. If someone is dressed inappropriately, then they become fair game for critcism. It is not a personal attack and I do my best to hide the true identity of the victim (unless they are a public personality).
Nobody is perfect and everyone has body flaws and when someone chooses clothing that leads to them being deemed a fashion catastrophe. The rule specifically applies to peek-a boo skin that is not properly covered such as butts, stomaches, boobs or even hairy backs. When those moments are capture on film, they eventually become “asscapades.”
by Jane Diane Matthews on February 4, 2010
Regardless of your body type, due to Puxatony Phil’s latest update (4 more weeks of winter) chances are the last item you are thinking about buying is a pair of shorts. Actually I know many women who refuse to wear any type of short at all as they truly believe that this how they will look:
Truly, I want to give this woman a round of applause for the confidence she shows in selecting this ensemble. However, first have to use my hands to cover my eyes and avert the visual pain she has afflicted upon me. Please don’t take this as me saying that she does not have the right to be comfortable, but as with any task, there appropriate ways to keep cool when the heat is on.
Capri pants and bermuda shorts are the perfect way for pear shaped women to dress for the weather. Because of the size range and selection, I always find that Old Navy is the best place to find lightweight bottoms that provide an affordable way to beat the heat and by bookmarking their shorts and capri page now and checking periodically will ensure that you are well aware of when the seasonal stock comes in. That is what I am going to do, and when I find something that will adorn our Pear Shapely bottoms lovingly, I’ll let you know.
by Jane Diane Matthews on February 3, 2010
I love my friend Claire. Not only is she one of the smartest people I know (check out her blog Clairefy.com), she has an awesome and irreverent sense of humor. It is her love for laughter that is part of the foundation for our friendship (that is only the tip of the iceberg).
That is why I was so grateful when she sent me a great image for my “Asscapades” series. The nudity, granny panties and mullet all contribute to the beauty of this “Photobomb.” Not only did this woman felt the need not only to raise her shirt but she needed to hoist and support her densely, packed breasts:
Behold the fear in the young man’s eyes as he caught a clear view of this public display of barfery. Put this side by side with the 1893 masterpiece, “The Scream” by artist Edvard Munch and we truly have a separated at birth moment:
I can feel the pain expressed in both images, truly I can. Trust me, when I say I am no prude, but have you ever noticed that when it comes to public nudity, it is always the people you least want to see let it all hang out, are the first to do so? With that thought in mind, Pear Shapely gals, please ponder this thought before exposing any body part to public scrutiny. As a matter of fact, anyone who is reading this regardless of your shape would be wise to keep it under wraps as who knows what kind of damage you would ultimately cause and what images of your indiscretion would end up on the web.
by Jane Diane Matthews on January 20, 2010
As a pear shaped gal, I will take any and all steps to prevent any additional attention to my butt. Unfortunately, this lady does not feel the same:
The fly cluster on the bulls eye speaks louder then any clever retort I could deliver.
by Jane Diane Matthews on January 18, 2010
While most of us are concerned about whether or not certain outfits make us look fat, there is a new product on the market that will make you ponder whether or not your vagina is pink enough. Yes, you read that correctly, a product called “My New Pink Button” promises to restore a healthy, pink glow to one’s most intimate of areas.
Since anal bleaching can be enjoyed by both genders, I find it comforting to know that there is a product made especially for my vaginal needs. It was just yesterday when I was studying my cootch and pondering what happened to the vibrant color of my youth, not.
The worst part about this (aside from being a silly product catering to the painfully insecure or those involved in the porno industry) is that according to one blogger, it does not even work. For those harboring morbid curiosity about the product, there is no need to spread ‘em as one ballsy (for lack of a better word) gal and blogger from Iasshole.org did the necessary dirty work. Not only did the product cause burning according to the brave soul “Rinse it off I did, and did I notice a difference? I did not. I will confess to you I took before and after pictures for my own scrutiny. Well hello there my vulva. Long time, no see. Sorry about the burning sensation.”
Frankly, I have never considered the hue of my vulva, and neither have any of my gentlemen callers (including my husband). At the end of the day, the boys were just happy to be granted access to my nether-regions and be invited to visit for a while. If you are truly considering this type of cosmetic treatment, just don’t do it. Not only will you save $30, your crotch won’t burn and if you can just switch the light bulb in your lamp for the same effect.
by Jane Diane Matthews on January 12, 2010
Pear shaped women, I’m talking to you! No matter how much weight we lose, our bottoms will always be bigger then our tops, and that is okay. As I have mentioned, dressing to maximize your pear shaped figure is an illusion and smoke and mirrors are the key to doing so stylishly.
Some simple steps to take to ensure that you are making appropriate clothing choices to flatter your body include:
- Avoid Anything Mini: Short items tend to hit at the largest part of our curves and will unnecessarily exaggerate heavy thighs. The same stands true for short-shorts as for pear shaped gals they are a no-no.
- Tight All Around: Anything too tight will shine a spotlight on bulges and curves. The general rule is if you wear tight bottoms (like leggings or skinny jeans) wearing a flowing top will add balance and if you choose to wear a fitted top, make sure your jeans are dark and either trouser or boot leg cut.
- Skirt the Issue: A-line or circle skirts will comfortably accommodate swinging hips and choosing a knee length item will be your best bet.
- Bag It: Although loose clothing can be extremely comfortable, clothing that is too baggy will do nothing to flatter your figure. If you must wear baggy boyfriend jeans (a weekend staple of mine) make sure the top is fitted and interesting enough to draw the viewers eyes upward. Great accessories like an awesome necklace from Hurricane by Jane jewelry can contribute to that optical illusion.
- Crop It: When opting to layer with either blazers or cardigans, check the length. The items can be cropped, go about 3 or 4 inches below the natural waist or cover your thighs. Anything else and you risk accentuating our bottom-heaviness.
- Wrap It Up!: I’ve amassed a full collection of wrap dresses as when constructed properly, they are a curvy and pear shaped gals best friend. Julie Brown has an awesome option on Bluefly:
At the end of the day, you got to work with your strengths. If you have any other style tips specifically catering to pear shaped gals, feel free to post your comments and share your knowledge with the world.
by Jane Diane Matthews on January 8, 2010
This photo made me throw up a little, so of course I had to subject the rest of you to the same pain and misery I am now feeling. It is bad enough this gentleman opted to dress like a banana, but seriously, I could have done without the split!
Pear Shaped women please note, showing your ass crack is never a fashion “do”. Purchasing bottoms that have a high enough waist line as to ensure that no bottom slippage will occur is the key to avoiding replicating this look. Seriously, this dude should be arrested for pushing crack.
