by Jane Diane Matthews on December 14, 2009
Can someone please let me know when it became appropriate to walk in public sans underwear? Perhaps it is because I come from the tail-end of the generation who was warned to always wear clean panties in case I was involved in an accident. Well, I guess this chick figured if she needs emergency care, her lack of underwear will make it easier for the paramedics to do their jobs.
As the kind and wise editors of the People of Walmart site have pointed out, at least she is in the proper aisle to purchase the necessary items to correct this fashion faux blah. Seriously, people need to think before they subject the rest of the world to their fashion indiscretions and subsequent Asscapades.
by Jane Diane Matthews on December 10, 2009
Even men can get involved in the asscapades game and of course this guy was shot in a Walmart parking lot:
My only hope is that his “jingle bells” are fully supported courtesy of his thong and commend the model for complementing the look with a Loverboy-esque headband. Thank goodness there are those dedicated to shopping at that store and sharing their disturbing finds with us.
by Jane Diane Matthews on November 25, 2009
Writing this blog has become a near daily experience for me and I have a ritualistic approach to generate my topics. With green tea in hand, I peruse my favorite websites in order to find inspiration for my postings. Time and time again PeopleofWalmart.com has become my safety net because of the absurdity they collect and today we have another Asscapades extravaganza:
What was this poor creature thinking when she left her house, ‘I paid $55 for the full Brazilian so I want to get my money’s worth?’ Seriously, I would gladly pay her back twofold to put her business under lock and key.
My dear pear shaped ladies, today’s fashion tip you need to always remember is that barring topless beaches in Europe, public nudity is not a viable option. Generally, if you are gorgeous and have a rocking body you will just come off as cheap. If your thighs have more ripples then the ocean then frankly, all the land-lubbers will get a little sea sick. Please be kind, and cover that behind!
by Jane Diane Matthews on November 18, 2009
Over the past couple of months, my friends have been quite curious with my obsession with all things pear shaped. All of my posse have been quite complimentary regarding the Pear Shapely blog, but honestly have no idea why I am dedicating my time to providing fashion tips for pear shaped bodies as they do not believe I have one. At this point I would like to channel my inner Doug Henning and respond with “The hard must become habit. The habit must become easy. The easy must become beautiful.”
Over the past couple of weeks I’ve gotten together with friends and strangers who literally made me stand up and point out what makes me a pear shaped gal as they have yet to discover the curves with their naked eyes. In their minds, pear shaped women are all extremely bottom heavy and there is no disguising the fact:
Granted, this lovely lass is sticking out her grand assets to make a point. In my mind, the point is if you do not watch what you eat, are not active and do not know how to drape your figure, all pear shaped figures have the potential of going off the deep-end.
Not so long ago myy hearty buttocks and I were known for a series of “Asscapades” that included using my butt to block air hockey pucks and mooning my friends. I was carrying an extra twenty pounds all in my pedunk-a-dunk and I wore a size 10-12 on the bottom while my top needed a size 6-8. Those two different sizes where the top measurements is narrower then the hip circumference equals a pear shaped figure.
Fast forward to now, where a change in my habits have resulted in a weight loss of over 20 lbs. My bottom now is a size 6 and my top usually fits into a size 4. No matter how much weight I gain or loss, I am a tried and true pear shaped figure.
Shopping, style and clothing have always garnered my enthusiasm and my multi-tiered career in the fashion industry has allowed me to pick up professional tricks for dressing myself. In turn, I want to be considered a resource for pear shaped ladies and will continue to share my insights and unique perspective with my Pear Shapely Brethren! Hopefully you are enjoying the experience as much as I am.
by Jane Diane Matthews on November 2, 2009
Confidence is the number one characteristic needed to carry off any type of fashion trend. However, like anything else, too much of it can be dangerous and the site People of Walmart seems to prove it time and time again.
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This poor creature looks like she was cleaning some of her intimate spaces with a wash-cloth, was caught by surprise and ran out the door with the fabric gently stored between her but cheeks for future use. But alas, the reality is she knew almost exactly what she was doing when she choose this outfit for the day.
This fashion disaster could have been easily avoided and we can all benefit from her mistakes. The dark color on top with the light shorts just emphasizes her bottom heavy nature and short-shorts should just be made illegal as the fashion police write too many citations for this crime.
This lass could be a radiant being if she only took the time to visit Pear Shapely and benefit from the words posted here. Luckily, you are wisely learning from her mistakes and know that if you have a pear shaped body, this is your number one resource for fashion tips, discount codes and valuable insight pertinent to us maintaining or lovely figures.
by Jane Diane Matthews on October 9, 2009
Halloween is right around the corner and you can tap into your inner super hero, favorite animal, zombie or what-have-you. Donning a costume that is store-bought, rented or home made will allow you to lower your inhibitions naturally (as long as everyone else is also dressed up) and let you live out your fantasies for a night.
However, no one wants to end up having a Halloween Hangover filled with regret for the costume they chose. By putting a little thought into the big day now, you can easily avoid the regret of the day after. Some costume “don’ts” for anyone, including pear shaped women include (in no particular order):
- Any type of jumpsuit ensemble: Whether you want to go as a member of Devo or Cat Woman, not only is the fabric extremely unforgiving, but going to the bathroom is a pain in the Pear Shaped buttocks.
- “Sexy” anything off the rack: Dressing up sexy is always part of the Halloween fun. However costumes with “sexy” in the name tend to look cheap and if they have to call it “sexy” in reality it is probably not. Plus imagine the walk of shame home the day after?
- Anything that is outside of your ethnicity: Pear shaped or not, you risk coming off as a bit of racist, so why even take the chance. This rule does not apply to fictional ethnicities however like Smurfs, Martians and the like.
- Any type of fat suit: Not flattering, not cute and not at all comfortable.
- Overexposed celebrities: Aren’t we all a bit sick of Paris Hilton, Sarah Palin and Kate Gossling? Please just try to let sleeping dogs lie.
- Dressing like a hooker: Why portray being a slave to the sex industry when dressing up like a pimp will give you all the power.
- Sporting the look of a tourist: Mom jeans, fanny packs, a slogan T-shirt and a camera is all it will take to make your butt look big and make you look at least 10 years older
- Conceptual Costumes: Do you really want to spend all night explaining that you are a “numerical sequence,” “Freudian slip” or “behind the eight ball?” I think not.
- Rubber Mask of Anyone: Your face won’t breath, the toxic fumes will make you light-headed and quite frankly, they are a big pain in the ass.
- Using “Drag” Makeup: If you put on so much make-up that you resemble a “drag-queen” gender confusion may ensue and you ultimately may be extremely upset with the results.
by Jane Diane Matthews on October 5, 2009
More people need to do a double take in the mirror before leaving the house to ensure that everything that should be covered is and that no one should have to see your truly dirty little secrets. Courtesy of the hilarity of Fail Blog here is a prime example of this fashion tip that all people, pear shaped, apple shaped or spaghetti shaped near to adhere to:
Seriously, this disaster makes me long for her to cover up her assets with the Winky Jeans.
by Jane Diane Matthews on September 30, 2009
Even pear shaped gals with a great sense of humor should avoid this fashion “trend” as they will ultimately become the “butt” of many jokes.
Seriously, the last thing pear shaped ladies should want to do is draw attention to their bulky bottoms. That means some fashion trends such as acid wash, bleached jeans and pastel bottoms should be avoided at every cost.
Dark jeans in blacks and blues are awesome in nearly every cut from skinny to flared. Colored jeans such as purple or green can work as long as the fit is perfect.
When I find the best options for the current jean trends (and more) I will certainly post with all the information. Until then thanks for keeping the world pretty, by avoiding one bad trend at a time.
